Rants, Raves, Revelations: Values!

It's a revelation!

While beating myself up for faking being sick so I could get out of leaving the house, my daughter gave me an awesome piece of advice! It has something to do with what she learned in her group therapy, called DOTS. You can google it, but make sure you google "DOTS anxiety," or you'll get a lot of crap you aren't looking for. Really, you may still get crap you aren't looking for, but it will narrow it down a bit. You could add "self harm" to the search because that's what the "S" stands for.

It goes like this:

D = Distraction
O = Opting Out
T = Thinking
S = Self Harm

There's a lot of stuff to go with those descriptions, but the little gem of a revelation she gave me is not related to any of that. For the purposes of not going to jail in my mind a hundred times a day until I correct the problem, I'm going to keep this legit and tell you the book it comes from. Googled it myself! It's called "ACT Made Simple: An Easy-To-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy," by Russ Harris. I haven't read it, but it may be good.

Back to the revelation! She brings up those DOTS because she was invited to go somewhere and realized it was these things that we do to ourselves mentally that was keeping her from going. Hmmm, sounds familiar. Go on, please. Then she says "you have to think of your values." What's that? Pardon me? Sorry? Values! We talked about how she was taught about those nasty DOTS, and how they will come up, but when they do think of your values.

Well, holy crap, is it that easy? After trying it this week, for the whole week, I have to tell you it works! It works wonders! Turns out, I value my son's education, and the friendships he's building while receiving that education, a lot. I also value not taking advantage of my daughter's kindness. Enough that when those nasty DOTS start popping up, I've been telling myself "values, remember your values." It got me out of bed and bringing him to school everyday this week! I did not ask my daughter once to do it for me, faced all my fears that blast through my nightly thought parade, and countered all my excuses in the morning. This is some powerful stuff! I'm hoping it sticks and that I remember to use it often because it could just make life a bit better. It has made this week absolutely better.

Couple things to note, I don't self harm in the traditional sense. I prefer skin picking, and I guess neglecting all your responsibilities in life is a form of self harm. Also, to be completely honest before the guilt monster takes over, I took him in a cab everyday except for today, Friday. I also tried to wake my daughter once this morning to ask her to take him. Values won and I took him myself. I'm being honest partly because if I'm not I won't be able to function. It's a symptom of OCD, and the guilt comes with depression, but more importantly, I don't want it to seem like there is this quick fix that's going to make everything better in a few days. That's not realistic. It could also put an expectation on someone reading this, who if they don't meet it, could end up back in bed too.

What are your values? How do you counter your DOTS? Comment below. You never know it could be the thing someone else needs to hear to get them going.