I have to say, Thursday was so amazing! I wish everyday could be like Thursday. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, not so good. I hate the crash after a good day. When you wish someone could say or do something to take the weight off you. That's where I am today.
I've also got a touch of the flu too, so that doesn't help. For more reasons than you think. For one, any reason to stick to my room and stay in bed is a deceptive God-send. Another is the "oh, I tried and now I'm sick, so I just shouldn't try" feeling. Also, I love to get high, and I've loved getting high for over 20 years. I used to get high everyday, but I had to quit. Not everyone gets that kind of problem. A friend of mine lost her husband and couldn't understand why people would turn to alcohol or drugs. She doesn't know I have a problem. Some people just can't understand that. I don't want to feel. I feel too much. Now the way out is gone, but for when I get sick. I love Tylenol Cold and Flu Night-time formula, or well any night-time formula I can get my hands on. First sign of a cold, flu, sniffle,or sneeze and I'm on it. I take it and wait for those drowsy feelings to kick in and for a few minutes I get relief from all that I feel. That's where I am today. Taking cold medicine to get slightly high because I can't smoke 4 to 6 grams of weed a day any more. Even not-a-husband doesn't fully understand how vulnerable I am to that lost feeling, so he buys the medicine and then comments on how quickly it's gone.
I wish I had written on Thursday. I so wanted to write all this inspiring stuff, but now I can't remember any of it. Not because I've taken too much cold meds either. My memory is just not the best any more. I would love to blame the pot, but I had a better memory with it than without it. I was a nicer person then too, and I was pretty high functioning. Excuse the pun.
So that's the deal for the past few days. Sorry it wasn't better. I will leave you with: I will try again tomorrow.
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